The ominus "Elf On A Shelf" Disciplinarian

First and foremost, I do not have children. Not even one child. Would I enjoy the opportunity to become a caregiver to a snotfaced, germy-infestation of a tiny human being? Absolutely. Next year? Absolutely not. I have additional goals and achievements to accomplish here before the grave responsibility of taking care of something that will be a direct reflection of my ability to keep something alive. Oops, someone. I am, however, available for any advice, solicited or otherwise. "How are you able to give advice when you're not even a parent," you ask? Well... I was raised by an outstanding pair of unsparing individuals. This allows me to tell you how children were raised in the "good 'ole days".

The Good 'Ole Days consisted of:

Playing outside and not on the Wii;
Walking to our friend's house and knocking on the door instead of calling - from a landline;
Flashlight war;
"Do you like me, check 'yes or no'" handwritten notes - not texted messages;
Velcro trapper keepers (no file storage on ipads, here!);
Diaries that outlined your crush of the week;
Running around with your friends without the fear of being kidnapped (be home by the time the street lights come on, though!);
walking into school for learning and recess, amidst others you didn't fear..

I could go on and on with examples of how upbringings have vastly shifted for over a century (I'm not THAT old, I promise), however at THE top of my list is a good old fashion butt-whooping.

That's right, folks. Growing up, if I didn't mind with "yes ma'am, no sir" I got popped in the mouth. My younger sis was a flagrant back-talker. You know what mom did for that? You guessed it! Bar of soap or Dawn dishsoap. Did she back-talk again? Sure - but it didn't happen often. When we were told to clean our rooms, if it didn't get done, we got a spanking. If we didn't do as we were told, in general, there was a belt with our name on it, a wooden spoon, a paddle - and the forsaken hickory switch tree at Grandma's house. We even had to pick out our own switch! This was not a desirable task - especially through the tears for something that hadn't even happened yet.

These days, people are scared to dicipline their children, in fear someone will call "the people" on them. Be it DSS or whatever social service you have in your area. With that being said, I am incessantly voicing my unsolicited opinions in regards to what my child(ren) will or won't be doing once these figments are actually here.

I ran across this ecard on facebook and couldn't help BUT to laugh, due to it being so spot-on with my attitude. And I'm sure everyone I know with children think this very thought, along with "you wait... ". I can't wait! I know you have to pick your battles (I have a 4 & 7 year old niece - trust me, I get it) but... YOU wait. You wait and see. I know it is probably quite obnoxious. No one has told me to shut up, yet..

So what society has fallen to - to make their children behave around the holidays - is the "Elf On A Shelf". This elf is magical and POOF! appears any time after Thanksgiving. The damn thing has papers (only Cabbage Patch Kids are allowed to have papers!) Children are told they can't be touched, or they lose their magical powers. In retrospect, VERY cute idea and much fun - especially for parents! However, IF I HAD A CHILD, I am not going to use a toy to make it - I mean s/he - behave when the holidays come around. No. IF I HAD A CHILD, they would behave all year round because that is what I would make them do. IF I HAD A CHILD, there wouldn't be any bribery around the holidays to behave because an elf is going to report you to Santa. No. Santa can you see you when you're sleeping AND he knows when you're awake - he knows if you've been bad or good so BE GOOD FOR ME AND NOT AN ELF, for goodness sake! When did Santa recruit helpers?! And how exactly does this negotiation take place???

Mom: Darling, if you don't go brush your teeth now, the elf is going to report back to Santa that you have not been listening!
Child: NO!
Mom: But darling, you need to mind me or you aren't going to get all of the things on your list from Santa!
Child: No!
Mom: Ok, that's it - I'm telling Elf-Chuckie to tell Santa to not stop here on Christmas Eve!
Child: *pout* and brushes teeth

IF I HAD A CHILD, this is the way that conversation would have unfolded:

Me: Time to brush your teeth, come on!
Child: NO!
Me: *SMACK* Tell me no again and you'll get it twice as hard!
Child: *crying* brushes teeth
I can almost guarantee we won't have that same conversation again, all week.

Indeed, I am viewed as a strict individual (even auntie). However, I typically don't have any issues out of my nieces. Do I abuse them? Absolutely not. Matter fact, I barely even pop them because they know I mean business. When I have to repeat myself and sound like a broken record, I get aggitated and I think they know this. I think they know when my face turns purple because I have already asked once already, it may be time to do what I asked. I don't think they have experienced 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' yet, but a purple face doesn't end well in any scenario.

So, next let's talk about how out right CREEPY these damn things look. SURELY someone sees the resemblance, here! SURELY! Oh wait - via a proclamation, I think I have finally figured it out. These children don't think this elf is going to report back to Santa. No. These children think if they don't behave, this elf is going to kill them in their sleep. Once that nefarious symbol for "joy" disappears after Christmas (not to mention, the child got everything they wanted anyway), they no longer fear for their life. Off to the same bad-ass-smart-mouth they were before! What do you do, then? Please tell me - do these things maybe peek out during Easter? To be sure someone didn't steal someone else's eggs from their basket? Or... maybe they show up around summer vacation because you left the yard while your parents weren't looking, even though you were told not to? Someone please help me understand, here. Because IF I HAD A CHILD, you would mind me year round - not just to get toys you put on a wish list. Just saying.


Ok - onto the vast variety of CRAZINESS people actually do with these things! And by crazy, I mean give-yourself-more-household-tasks. And by tasks, I mean deliberate acts of messiness to be cleaned up after someone. And by someone, I mean an Elf. And by an Elf, I MEAN YOU. Who does that?! The various different things I have heard, read, seen via Facebook newsfeed include the following:

- Knocking over the Christmas tree (again, WHO does that?!)
- getting into candy and/or cookie jars and leaving crumbs all over the counter (not only do you have to clean it up the next morning, these crumbs stayed on your counter until THE NEXT MORNING - you're going to give yourself ants!)
- unwrapping gifts (first, I hope the tag didn't say from "Santa", second - now you have to wrap it for probably the third time because you probably messed up the first wrap to begin with!)
- "Shacking Up" with Barbie (several things are wrong here... but the first that comes to mind would be 'this is what you want to teach your 6 year old'?!)
- writing, with a crayon, on the wall ("WTH" comes to mind here! IF I HAD A CHILD, this would be a very big NO-NO and this elf is going to get his ass beat and thrown in the trash - with the crayon)
- rearranging the lights from the tree to all over the living room (I understand wanting to have 'fun' with this because you want your child to have the best experience possible. But again, WHO does that?!)
- writing on the mirrors or windows with lipstick - messages about getting wishes - or you can't use the bathroom because the Elf is taking up the bathroom (I just don't even have a comment here - I mean, do you go use the OTHER bathroom?!)
- Spanking a very naked Barbie (nevermind "shacking up" or taking bubbles baths with her in the sink... but Elf-Chuckie is getting pleasure out of this. Your child is going to remember these scenarios when they get older and then you'll have to deal with a psychologically disturbed teenager. Good luck.)
- hanging from the Christmas Tree with tinsel - wrapped around his neck (was your child SO bad that Elf-Chuckie off'd himself?? And... how long did your child have nightmares after the elf was pronounced dead?! And I want to know if the child still gets presents after he committed suicide..)
- Roasting marshmellows over a candle (I thought we were trying to raise them to NOT play with fire??)
- Toilet papering the tree (again - YOU HAVE TO CLEAN THAT UP!)

From what I have seen - from fishing in the toilet to playing spin-the-bottle, there are no boundaries. If you have no boundaries as to what you - I mean, your Elf - are "role modeling" for the child, why do you even have an elf? Because IF I HAD A CHILD, I wouldn't want them thinking that drinking from mommy's wine bottle was OK.

SPAGHETTI AND MEATBALLS

Classic-American family receipe, you think? Of course not! Especially from Rach! You may CLICK HERE for a direct link to her "kid-friendly" dining and SEE BELOW for a very abbreviated version for your enjoyment! These types of recipes are exceptionally fun for the gremlins though, if you homemake your meatballs! At the ripe age of 5, playing with your food doesn't get any better.. and it is always a treat to eat a no-so-round-almost-flat meatball made with the love and dedication of your mini-me. Now.... I have never made a meatball before so don't expect that recipe here, yet! See Rach's recipe in the link above.

Now.. onto ingredients for sketti:
(as a reminder, especially to new "readers", I don't measure anything... I "EYEBALL" it)

- couple tablespoons of EVOO (extra virgin olive oil)
- thyme seasoning, dried
- rosemary seasoning, dried
- sage seasoning
- three bay leaves (or not!)
- oregano seasoning, dried
- basil seasoning, dried
- marjoram seasoning, dried (I never have this on hand and "substitute" parsley - just because.)
- 1 bag frozen italian meatballs
- 1 can whole, peeled tomatoes
- 1 large can of tomato puree
- 1 small, baby can tomato paste
- beef stock
- quarter can roasted tomatoes (not necessary, but I like)
- 2 cloves of garlic
- 1 shallot
- about 1/4 cup of parmesan cheese
- 1 pound of spaghetti pasta
- dash of salt / dash of sugar
- 1 pound ground beef, cooked (or ground hot italian sausage)

I normally use fresh herbs for pasta sauces because the flavor is much more vibrant. However, when I woke up in the mood to cook yesterday morning at 8:30am, I wasn't heading to the grocery store in my pajamas. And by pajamas, I mean yoga capris, tank with no bra, smeared raccoon eyes with sleep probably still in my eyes. No, maybe not... I splashed water on my face after I brushed my teeth. No hairbrushing took place at this time, though. It was still half up on the make-shift ponytail left over from pillow-head.

I had a half bag of italian meatballs left over from a Christmas party in my freezer (in addition to the full bag I used FOR the meatballs) so what I did was pulled out food processor and ground these up after heating through in the toaster oven (on bake). Therefore, I did not use any ground beef listed above in the ingredients. It was a nice alternative and, again, I wasn't going to the store.

Directions for your Sauce:

Pour in the can of whole tomatoes and add about a cup of beef stock. Simmer, with lid on for about fifteen minutes. In the meantime, start browning your ground beef (or sausage). Use a potato masher to mash the whole tomatoes (I personally don't like chunks in my sauces. If you do, just do a quick mash - nothing major). At this time, add your tomato paste, give it a swirl and then add your can of tomato puree (I typically have tomatoes on hand that need to be eaten or thrown out... so I puree these to use instead of the canned puree). Add about half a palm full each of all of your dried seasonings. In a small blender (I have a handheld blender that holds about a cup) combine your garlic, shallot and roasted tomatoes. Again, if you like chunky, don't blend the tomatoes, just dump in the sauce - however, I have found that MOST rugrats won't eat chunks of anything... I know my precious nieces won't! If you don't want to blend, just grate the garlic and shallot into the sauce. If you are OK with chunky, just chop it up! Add your mixture to your sauce, give it a swirl. After draining your cooked ground beef (or sausage), dump into your sauce - or in my case, ground italian meatballs. Stir until combined, toss in your frozen meatballs, bay leaf (if desired), stir and cover. Let simmer for an hour to incorporate all the flavors and heat the meatballs through. At this time, give it a taste. You may find you need more salt. If it is a bit salty, add a tad bit of sugar (this offsets the acidity). Season to taste - this is YOUR sauce so play with it! Make it your own - Rach uses crushed red pepper flakes in hers. If you like a bit of heat on it, just do it! Alternately, I use ground hot italian sausage in most my red pasta sauces. Gives it a nice kick. My older sister can't even tell it's "hot" - she doesn't even eat your food if she sees you putting pepper in it, so shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Don't tell her.

After you have made your personal-taste adjustments, if you need to loosen up the sauce some add a few turns of the pot of EVOO - if it's a bit too runny for your taste, add some parmesan cheese (about and 1/8-1/4 cup).



Throw your pasta into salt-seasoned boiling water. Cook to al-dente. Drain and add your pasta to your sauce OR if you're entertaining, cook it through, drain and put it on a large platter, then dump your meatball sauce over the top. This makes for a great presentation! If I was a "good" blogger, I would have taken a photo of my finished product on display - instead of just my whole tomatoes cooking. I believe I was distracted by my need to begin tuna salad... It was a massive cook-fest Sunday for me!

It would look something along the lines of this - all mixed together. I like "presentation" so top it with parmesan and parsley! If you have fresh leaf, it's even more vibrant! Serve, of course, with garlic bread of choice.



If you choose "non-chunky" style, most children would clean their bedrooms for spaghetti and meatballs. Probably one of the easiest go-to recipes. And quite cheap. Some, if not all of these spices are in SOMEONE'S spice cabinet. They were all in mine... but I'm a self-proclaimed cooker. It's imperative I have these to make myself feel chef-like. You, on the other hand may need to swing through the spice section at Wal-mart on your next trip. The Dollar Store even carries some of these! As an added note, I use all of these spices for various different other recipes as well so you can never go wrong. Well, maybe - but we'll never know. Frozen bag of Italian meatballs- store brand were $2.98/bag. There are approximately 32 balls in a bag. Your most expensive thing here will be your ground beef (or hot italian sausage).


MAKE AHEAD:
If you want to use this for later in the week, say - next weekend's dinner because you are going out of town on a much needed girls' beach trip, cook your sauce as above. Let cool to room temperature, put in an air tight plastic container and toss it in the freezer. CERTAINLY the hubby (or boyfriend/significant other/domestic partner... I try to cover all bases) is self sufficient enough to thaw a sauce, re-heat it (either stove or microwave), cook up some pasta and serve. Right? Or.. I may just be giving them too much credit. What can I say? I'm single!

I hope you enjoy - again, it's YOUR sauce. Play with it. Add some of Rach's ingredients if you like to experiment. If you wish for something a bit more traditional, take out some of MY ingredients. This is all about YOU. Make it happen.

Sticky Biscuits? JUST ADD FLOUR!

I am unsure how I let this slip my mind.. but in conjunction with 'Her first Turkey... our first FULL Thanksgiving dinner!', I give you our "Best of Biscuit Disasters". And by disaster I mean a creamy, mucky pile of dough. This soused glob of flour was sticking all over my sister's hands. My solution: add more flour.

Paraphrasing, here's how our laughter of conversation went, with tears in eyes:

Me: [sifting flour over sister's hands from a spoon] here - you need more flour.
Sis: it's still sticky!
Me: [sifting more flour over sister's hands from a spoon] here - you need more flour.
Sis: It's not working.
Me: [gathering a heeping spoonful of flour on the spoon] Here....
Mom: NO!! Don't add too much flour! Those things are going to be like rocks!
Me: {dumps heeping spoonful of flour onto sister's hands} I think it's ok...
Sis: [lauging and rubbing her hands together like she's starting fire from rocks and sticks] it's still sticky.
Me: here - you need more flour.
Mom: STOP!! [laugh] you guys are going to have those things ruined!
Me: She needs more flour!
Sis: [laughing] -whispers- add more flour!
Me: [dumps heeping spoonful of flour onto sister's hands]
Mom: GIRLS! Enough flour! They are not going to be edible!

By this point, we are in tears laughing so hard. The biscuits were already "ruined" so... why not try to just duck-tape them? Sis begins to try to roll some balls for biscuits - still sticky.

Me: here - you need more flour.

{by this point we're doubling over laughing because our mother is about to have a mini-stroke, for the flour-overload in the biscuit batter}.
Sis: Put some on this one (as she hovers an oddly shaped ball of goo in front of me).
Me: [sifts flour over ball of goo] -wipes tears from eyes-
Sis: [pats ball of goo and places on the pan]

We do this, while laughing, for 7 or 8 additional goo-balls. Then, with worry of my mother's threat of these things being "like rocks" my sister melts some butter and covers the floured goo-balls to give some added moisture. Pop them in the oven and we hoped for the best!

In the end, they weren't like rocks - but I bet this is because of my sister's ingenious idea to slather on some butter. They were tasty! Duck-taping works, even in cooking.

Moral of the story: go with your gut. Laugh. And just add flour.

Her first Turkey... our first FULL Thanksgiving dinner!

This year my beautiful sister urged strongly to cook the turkey for Thanksgiving. So we allowed it (I didn't want to do it - tedious, time consuming, laboring.. and if you screw it up, YOU'RE ROAST!) I was right by her side (well, only a phone call away) while she dredged this daunting task.. uncharted waters here, folks. Matter fact, I'm pretty sure it would be better fitting to say, "uncharted rainforest floor" considering she doesn't cook much outside of the crockpot.

we wondered into the abyss... of deep, dark, scary.... lemme stop :)










This turkey was the mother of all turkeys. I'm pretty sure she hand picked the largest one they had, on purpose. You know, so it would take three years to thaw. 25 pounder. I think she paid $6 for it. I can't PAY for someone to find me these kinds of deals. I digress.. First error of her ways: she froze the turkey before gutting it (and I will give you one guess as to who was making the giblet gravy - we'll get to that in a minute). She decided to pull it out of the freezer on Monday to start thawing it. I SUGGESTED tossing the fat mother into a cooler Friday morning - bathing it occassionally with ice, topped wtih Brine, of course. She didn't feel comfortable with this. She was apparently worried we were all going to die eating tainted meat. No worries, Dooms day is right around the corner on the 21st anyway so what's the big deal!? So instead, she first asks, "what's brine?" and, at this moment, I let out a deep, long sigh and thought to myself "THIS, is going to be fun" and I'm fairly certain I had a smirk on my face, too:)

Plans got all backwards and wrapped around and switched up for Thanksgiving in our blended households so we weren't cooking the turkey until Saturday after Thanksgiving Day. Good thing- because the turkey was still frozen on Friday. Would you like to know why? Because it was sitting in a stainless steel roasting pot, in brothy salt water in the fridge. Have you ever put a drink into the fridge with ice in it - and come back the next day and it still has ice in? Well... our turkey was THAT ice cube. No lie. I pulled the turkey out of the roasting pot and put it in the sink. Filled the sink with water and covered it with a large platter and a towel. She has animals. They were sneaking around me the entire time trying to worm their wet little noses up high enough to sniff out what was going on above their furry heads. I kicked them out several times. I swept the decks - and terrified that I would have "A Christmas Story" episode, I kept popping my head back in the door to be sure no mongrals were on the counter. Including the sneaky little cat. Turkey is still froze two hours later. I have errands to run. I pin down the towel with pots and rush through my day so I could get back to her house.. make sure the bird was still safe in the sink.

It was. *whew*

Stuck my hand down his hollow carcuss and... still frozen... so I swept a little, watched a little TV, cleaned the kitchen, tried to find ground coffee but wasn't so lucky. Few hours later, SUCCESS! I was able to pull out the neck and bag of "guts" and get to work. I seasoned her "brine" with Sage and Poultry seasoning, chunked apples and onions and smashed up some garlic, threw it inside the bird and threw the bird back into the roasting pot and back into the fridge. Off to chopping the giblets. This was my first time EVER having to do this. Mom normally did it.. and MY FIRST ERROR: cutting the giblets before cooking them. I completely ruined myself for giblet gravy. Ever. Everything went into the fridge to be cooked the next day. I finally went home.

The next day I make cranberry sauce and mashed potatoes before heading over.
Easy Taters!
2 lbs russett potatoes - cut into chunks, skin on (great flavor). Boil until soft. Mash with 1/2 stick of butter and milk or half & half.

I grate in (1) shallot and (1) garlic clove (depending on how large), 1 cup shredded cheddar cheese and ocassionally chop up some green onions. Makes it look pretty :)

Cranberry Sauce:
1 bag of cranberries (about a pound)
1 orange
about a cup or 1 1/2 cups of sugar
about two cups of water



Boil water and sugar until sugar is fully dissoved (about 5 minutes) in a large sauce pan. Toss in your cranberries and let cook until all cranberries have "popped". You will hear them. It's fun to cook this stuff (lol). Add the juice of one orange and TADA! Now.. I have made this several times and each time it has tasted different. I sometimes have to add extra juice or extra sugar. When I have to add extra sugar, I toss in some organic cane sugar to taste. Just... to taste!



Off to my sister's I go...

our LOVELY centerpiece held by my lovely niece! (we put it in a pumpkin!)


Everything seemed to be in order... cooking four things in the oven at once, causing it to take longer made the turkey go in kinda late.. hmm..

It's close to dinner time. I need to start the gravy. I pull out the neck and giblets and get to work. In the meantime, we check the temp - it's close to 170
. Check it in another spot - just at 165. So I told her it would be OK to leave it out - just keep it covered and it will stay heated through.......
I threw the neck into some chicken broth and let boil - I threw the giblets in a small pan and cooked up with a some chicken broth as well. WHY I didn't do this together, I have no idea. I like to make things as difficult as possible.

(this isn't mine - but should have been!)







I wisk in some corn starch into the giblets, add in some drippings from the turkey, little bit of sage, poultry seasoning, salt, wisk wisk wisk. I pour in the "juice" from the neck (probably about a cup) then add some additional chicken stock. wisk wisk wisk.

For this to be my first gravy, I was very impressed! looked great! (I removed the giblets, though - my previous day encounter, I just couldn't do it.. ) and PUFF. I'm covered with cornstarch! My BIL apparently thought covering me with it would make this process move along faster. No, that's now how you get gravy!

Brother In Law begins to cut the turkey. IT'S PINK. At the leg. HOW did this happen! the corn casserole and biscuits are in the oven so we don't have room! We throw the oven "stuff" onto the grill and throw the turkey back into the oven. The lovely BIL keeps an eye on it - and it's finally done. Whew!

In the middle of getting everything "prepped" to eat and on the counter and biscuits on the table I realized the gravy didn't look like gravy anymore. It looked like hot grits soaking in butter. Or, "Brain Matter Batter" as my BIL would say. WTH happened! It sat for 20 minutes... so, my only conclusion is the following: it's not my fault.




It IS slightly possibly the turkey juices were too greasy, causing everything to separate. I can't help my sister got a greasy turkey. Probably why it only cost $6. I kick into overdrive and start throwing some more gravy together! Melted a couple pats of butter, tossed in some flour, wisk wisk wisk. Few tablespoons of cornstarch, started adding chicken stock and turkey drippings. wisk wisk wisk. Sage, Poultry seasoning, salt, wisk wisk wisk. Now, let it sit for just a minute or two. Ahhhh, PERFECT gravy. Second time is a charm...



Now, I learned several things from this day:

- allow the temp in the center of meat to get 10 degrees above "cook" temp;
- even if you don't initiate trouble, BILs bring it;
- mom should totally cook the giblet gravy for many years to come;
- Sis should totally cook the turkey again for many years to come;
- remind turkey do'er next year to THAW it :)

Eerily lost since Thanksgiving...

It's been almost a month - and I have disappointed my "readers" for food! I didn't mean to allow this to happen... but let me tell you HOW it happened:

- Bookclub
- Christmas Tree Farm
- Sleepover with my nieces
- Birthday parties
- late nights in the office
- weekends in the office
- Belmont Christmas Parade
- Company Christmas party (in the office!)
- More birthdays...
- MY CHRISTMAS PARTY...

It has been one overwhelming month - give or take a week.. or so - and my sincere apologies for everyone that has been looking for some dishes! I am most certainly going to get cracking! I see I am at almost 400 views (which is amazing since I started this!) and looking forward to keeping everyone entertained!

I am Back-To-The-Basics with my schedule so... look for some short stories, or three!

Beanie Weenie Casserole

I was over the moon about this recipe – and I finally had the girls (my two nieces) with me for the day/night so we went over to Wal-mart, grocery shopped and shot straight home so I could make this fabulous recipe for them to try! I could not locate Rachael Ray’s recipe ANYWHERE to save my life. However, I originally saw this on her 30-minute meals and vowed, for about a year, to make it.

The little snotfaces didn’t even taste it. WHAT CHILD turns their nose up to a hotdog? I was very disappointed! Albeit, more for me – nonetheless, still disappointing. They both eat hotdogs so I’m not entirely too sure what their little ‘tudes were about this wonderful dish..

- 1 package (8) hotdogs, cut into chunks (I use Chicken Franks – 40% less fat)
- 1 large can of Original Baked beans, half drained
- About 3/4 cup of hickory smoked (or original) barbeque sauce
- About 1/4 brown sugar
- 1/4 red onion (optional) – I grated it, you can dice it
- 1 clove garlic - grated (optional)

I like to “jazz” my recipes up a bit – therefore, I threw in the garlic and onion. This, of course, was after the mini-turd buckets wouldn’t eat my casserole. I also made a topping. This was inspired by the recipes I saw that had cornbread or cornmeal in the mixtures:

- About 1 cup of original bread crumbs
- About 1/4 cup shredded cheddar cheese
- About 3 tablespoons maple syrup (or Agave)

This is quick, cheap, simple, easy… throw everything in the first section together in a casserole dish and mix. For the topping, add your cheese to the bread crumbs and begin to add the syrup, one tablespoon at a time, mixing with a fork. You want it to be a bit crumbly to just top the franks and beans – “drizzle” it over with your fingers until you’ve covered the entire surface. Pop it in the oven at 375 degrees for 35 – 45 minutes (or until heated all the way through). I served this up with a quick mac’n cheese side (see Baked Macaroni and Cheese - my style) and a Sweet Wheat Roll. It was delicious, with or without gremlin approval. And I ate off the panda plate..

Baked Macaroni & Cheese - my style

My friends and family... I tell ya... I'm going to STAPLE this recipe to their foreheads!

So as I mentioned, I have received several requests for my macaroni and cheese so it just made sense for me to blog it and then email a link. I just did a search in all of my emails (including work) and I couldn't find the recipe anywhere... so this, I promise to you, is the very last time I type this out!

Before I get started, as with any recipe I ever try, I don't measure anything... and with my mac'n cheese, it always looks and taste different with one common demoninator: CHEESE! Lots and lots of cheese! This recipe changes all the time - you don't have to do the roux, at all if you don't want. Just do a quick cheese sauce.*

to make the roux*:
- 3 tablespoons of unsalted butter
- 3 tablespoons of flour
- about a cup of shredded extra sharp white cheddar cheese (you can sub Muenster, here)
- about 1/2 cup of cubed velveeta cheese (or 4 slices)
- about 2 cups low fat milk
- about 2-3 tablespoons Lawry's seasoning salt (to taste, of course - or you can use regular Kosher salt / Sea salt)

for everything else**:
- 16 oz box of elbow macaroni noodles
(feel free to use Rotelli noodles/Ridged jumbo nooodles/cut elbows - whatever you want!)
- 1.5 cup shredded Colby Jack (feel free to sub Gruyere, here - or do half/half)
- 1.5 cup shredded extra sharp yellow cheddar cheese
- 2 eggs, room temperature
- about half cup of half & half or low fat milk


To get started, crack your two eggs in a small bowl and pour in the half cup of half & half or low fat milk. Give it a quick stir and set to the side. You want this at room temp - we'll temper it later, just to be sure. Grate all of your cheese ahead of time so you are not having to do this during the layering process. Fill your large pot with water and bring to boil for your noodles. Once your water is boiling, throw in your noodles, THEN get started on the roux. This is your thickening agent for your cheese sauce.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees (this will vary, depending on elevation) and spray a large casserole dish so your noodles don't stick.

Melt your butter in a medium sauce pan and whisk in the flour, one tablespoon at a time until all of your flour appears to be incorporated with your butter. Let it cook out for about 45 seconds or so, so you don't have a floury taste. Then add your low fat milk while still whisking. Don't let it sit too long without supervison.. milk burns fast! When the milk mixture begins to "smoke" a bit, toss in your velveeta cheese. Grab a spoonula and stir occasionally until the cheese is fully melted (milk AND cheese burn faster - keep an eye on it!) Toss in - one handful at a time - the extra sharp white cheddar cheese. Begin mixing in a figure "8", as this will keep the cheese from clumping (keeps the air bubbles out!) Keep doing this until all your cheese is in, and melted. Add your Lawry's. Remove from heat.

Your noodles should be about done. Al dente is what you're shooting for since you're going to pop this in the oven to cook a bit longer. Drain and toss back into the pot you cooked them in. Grab your egg mixture and while stirring, fold in about 2 tablespoons of your cheese sauce. This will "temper" the mixture, ensuring it's at room temperature so when you dump it on the noodles, it doesn't cook the egg! Now, dump it on the noodles - stir together and make sure all the noodles are covered. Now dump in your cheese sauce mixture. Stir together. (taste to see if you need more seasoning salt or not - add here, if you do and stir).

Put in a layer of noodles about 1.5 inches thick into your casserole dish. Top with your grated cheese(s). Add another layer of noodles, more cheese... this is just like making lasagna. Once you're finished up with the layers, put the rest of your cheese on top. Cover with aluminum foil (be sure you tent it so the cheese doesn't stick to it). Pop in the oven for about half hour- you're really just wanting to melt the cheese all the way through. Once it's golden brown on the top, it's ready to come out! I normally remove the foil with about 5 minutes left to get this to happen.

Simple enough.... ENJOY! Once you stir in your cheese sauce to your noodles, feel free to add-in other things here - partially steamed broccoli, cubed Virginia ham.. picky little eaters? Add in diced hotdogs, cubed boiled chicken.. you have endless options for an all-in-one-stop-shop, here! I hope you guys find this helpful!



*If you don't want to make the roux, do a quick cheese sauce by heating up about 1.5 cups of milk and toss in about 1/2 cup of cubed velveeta (or 4 slices). Stir occasionally until cheese is fully melted. This is where I throw in the Lawry's seasoning salt, to taste. And that's it! very simple!

**feel free to use 3 cups of all the same cheese - I would highly suggest the extra, or sharp yellow cheddar cheese if you do so.

Time FLIES, huh?

As November is settling in nicely, fall-back on the clocks to give us an "extra" hour that really isn't extra at all, my annual Funky Sock Exchange* email is enroute and I JUST finalized my Christmas party details with my theme set AND my games all in order.

Last year was great - and I feel like I JUST took down my Christmas decorations. Everyone had to get into groups and build reindeer antlers out of pantyhose, balloons and red ribbon. I laughed the entire time. It makes me feel accomplished when guest have fun at my gatherings... that's what the host should make sure of, right? I sure do :-) non-alcoholic cranberry sparklers and my Christmas "punch" will be on order, as well - Martha Stewart helped me out with the Christmas cocktails, too!

I had a snowman building contest one year - went to the dollar store and craft store and picked up all kinds of things from pipe cleaners to glitter to styrafoam balls. The beauty about this is that everything that was left over went into my niece's craft kit at the house. Win, win! I have also filled stockings with Christmas related items and the guests had to guess what was in the stocking.

I pull these games from online - I google and search, and search... and search some more until I can collaberate some together - or they are just too darn funny, I have to do it! I have received positive feedback on the 'ice breakers' at the parties so you will be a BIG-HIT-HOST throwing a few games into the mix. This at least allows for a break in the monogamy of drinking, eating, watching the fight, eating some more, getting another drink, step outside to mingle by the fire pit, grab another drink, snack on some meatballs, can't locate your glass so you grab another drink....

"Fantastic" doesn't begin to describe the games, and the level of laughter that goes into these things is unmeasurable.


Themes! Man... I plan almost all year on games and themes (I'm going to start writing down the games because, this one time, in bed, late at night, a fabulous game popped into my head and it made me LAUGH and LAUGH - and the next morning I couldn't remember what it was! A DAMN SHAME!). This year's theme is Chelle's Chic Christmas (three C's - get it? CCC... it means nothing, really.. )
I'm going silver, black and metallic blue. I can't wait to begin decoration shopping this weekend!!

Ok - off to write a mac'n cheese recipe... it's that time of year, and everyone is asking for it so I'm blogging about it :)


Happy Thursday!







*Funky Sock Exchange details (condensed to Chelle's standards):

This is a Funky Sock Exchange!!

1 - Please send a unique pair of ladies socks (holidays are right around the corner- make it great!) to the person listed on the #1 space below.

2 – Copy & Paste my name/address up into the # 1 space and put your name/address in the # 2 space. Only your name and my name should appear on the list when you send out your letters.

A small manila envelope will mail the sock swap nicely!

You should receive thirty- six pairs of socks (if you have at least six people participate!) for the price of one and it is fun to see the different places where your socks will come from. (Seldom does anyone drop out because we can all use funky socks to boost our outfits!!)

The turnaround is extremely fast because there are only two names on the list. Hopefully, you will be receiving funky socks within two weeks!!

#1
NAME
ADDRESS

#2
NAME
ADDRESS

Side note: if you're the individual beginning this "exchange" you will need to pick a person to list in #1 - I chose a dear friend that I felt deserved new socks :) It will then trickle from there, and of course, you don't have to send it to the person in #1 but be sure to give them a heads up that they will begin receiving socks from strangers!

The by-product of cleaning out the fridge is tasty!

This past weekend I realized that I, yet again, had celery going soft, potatoes sprouting new baby potatoes and tomatoes that would have probably GROWN a worm because they were sitting on my bar for so long. There are no words to describe how lazy I was this past weekend so this girl wasn't getting dressed to go to the store for anyone. Not even me, because I was hungry. So I created... a simple stew! This was inspired, too, by a Facebook pal that posted her crock was broken and I realized I hadn't used mine since last winter!

After I washed and sliced the celery, dug out all the roots on the potatoes with my fingernails and cubed them then chopped up my tomatoes, I tossed everything in the crock pot on high. I opened a small can of diced tomatoes from the cabinet, pulled the rest of my baby carrots from the drawer and halved all of them, grabbed the red onion - on the bar - next to the bag sprouting potatoes - finely chopped, grated two large cloves of garlic, chopped up 2 tablespoons of rosemary and one basil leaf and tossed in three bay leaves and about 1/3 cup of sour cream. I remembered I also had left over cooked chicken from the enchiladas *ahhhh HAA* chicken stew, it is!

I ground in some sea salt, black pepper corn, tossed in about a tablespoon of cumin and chipotle chili powder. I poured in 50% less sodium beef stock just to cover everything, gave everyone a shimmy-shake around the crockpot and covered it - cooked on high for 4 hours. At this point, I checked my potatoes, made sure my tomatoes had burst, cubed the left over chicken and threw that in and let it cook for another hour. Now... at this point, I thought to myself, "self, this would be great over egg noodles... " So, as I'm scrounging around for egg noodles in the cabinet, I run across Lentils. WHAT A TREAT! I was so excited! I finally have a reason to cook these! Great source of protein so I popped those in a pot (these things take 45 minutes to cook!) and cooked them up while the stew finished up. When the lentils were finished I drained them, dumped them in the stew, gave everything another shimmy-shake and grabbed a bowl.

My friends, this was by far my best "just throw it in and see what happens" experiment. Ever. Most of these things do already go together in a beef stew. And I have to admit, I keep a lot of "staples" on hand at home - but this was by far my favorite, without having to leave the house!

Just do it. Left over meats, ripend veggies, herbs that are going to rot.... just do it.

QUICK CHICKEN ENCHILADAS

You know how sometimes life happens? Yes... yes, that has been me. My most sincere apologies for not getting these recipes out in a timely manner! It has been a crazy few weeks, kids... crazy..

Ok, so Chicken enchiladas! This one doesn't come from Rach - but one of my favorite go-tos because it is just so simple, quick and easy!

4 - large chicken breast, boiled, shredded
2 - jars (or 1 large and 1 medium can) of store-bought enchilada sauce - the "mild" has a kick to it - be careful!
(sometimes I make my own - this is for another blog though :))
1 - 8 oz tub of sour cream
1 - can cream of chicken soup
1 - large bag of mexican mix cheese (or you can grate colby jack - does just fine)
2 - packs of tortilla shells (this recipe is going to make about 20 rolls)
1 - can black beans
1 - cup cooked brown rice
3 - tablespoons sofrito (or about 1 teaspoon of cilantro - whichever way you want to go)

Throw on the rice, first - this takes the longest to cook!

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees (I typically don't do this until I begin shredding my chicken - save energy, right?!)

Ok - while your chicken is boiling, mix together one jar (or 3/4 of the large can) of enchilada sauce, one can of cream of chicken soup and about 4 oz of sour cream. Stir in about 1/3 of the bag of cheese then just wait. Until your chicken is done.

Once the chicken is cooked (I typically boil for about 15 minutes), pull out and shred it with two forks; your fingers; whatever you want. Heck, cube it if you'd like! Once the chicken is how you want it, dump it in your mixture of sauce/soup/sour cream. Fold it all together.*

Your rice should be done at this point. Don't over cook it because you'll be throwing this in oven!** Mix in your sofrito or cilantro. Drain the can of black beans and fold those into the rice as well.

Now we are going to begin the assembly! (be sure the oven is on at this point!) Dump a spoonful of the rice/bean mixture then a spoonful of the chicken/sauce/soup mixture. Roll it up like an enchilada and beginning lining them up in a large casserole dish, sprayed with Pam (or non-stick spray). Do this until your dish is full - I SCRUNCH them in there - get ten in there, if you can! If you have a smaller casserole dish, you will need to do about three 'rounds' of this.. After you've smushed everyone in, put the remaining 1/4 enchilada mix from the large can and some from the small can on top - just pour it over.. doesn't have to be perfect. I typically take the back of a spoon and just smooth it over the entire area of the shells. Then top with cheese! Lots and lots of cheese! Pop it in the oven for about 15-20 minutes. This is really just to heat the mixture through on the inside and melt the cheese on top.. Brown to your liking!
Pull out and serve immediately.

Now... one thing I have noticed about this is that these things do not do well reheated. The shell is always gooey and I just don't like that. This is why I have added the asteriks for you to follow, if you don't NEED 20 - and want to make later in the week. Enjoy!


*If you are wanting to make this as a make-ahead meal, this is where you would stop and refrigerate everything. This recipe is a large recipe so once everything is mixed together and you make one casserole dish, toss everything else in the fridge and make at a later time in the week.


**You can keep the rice & beans seperate as a side dish, if you'd like. Just skip the mixture steps for this if you are a weird eater and can't mix your food together!

Morphine - errr... cheese, anyone?

I love cheese. I could live off cheese. I know people who love cheese as much as I do (well, close - no one could love cheese as much as I do). Arguably, this isn't health for you (me). Arguably, cheese contains a lot of fat. Not arguable. At all. Cheese DOES. I don't have to tell you that... the amount of saturated fat and cholesterol in cheese is actually unnerving! I blame this on my cows being fed processed foods.

After researching cheese addiction, I found that there are MANY folk among us that have my very same problem! Have you ever heard of Casomorphins? Me, either.. However, when cheese is digested, this is basically the byproduct. Dating back to the 1980s, cheese contained traces of morphine - this opiate is apparently also in cow milk! APPARENTLY.


Now, if you are interested in all the scientific details, Care2 has more information for you!


As we all know, opiates have a high addiction rate. With that being said, I have a dairy-crack addiction. That's right. My name is Michelle, and I'm addicted to Cheese. There - I said it! Subconciously, it makes me feel goooooood. And I am in love. I exercise so this counteracts the heart-attack-diet I currently have.. maybe.... So, my addiction to cheese is similar to my addiction to chocolate - both release your "feel good" hormones in your brain so you would literally have to ween yourself off just like a drug. This actually makes me laugh because drugs are illegal :)

Ok - so the based purpose of me even researching this was because a friend of mine came over to my house on Sunday. To watch football. Then accused me of having a cheese-drawer. I DO not. I have an extra drawer in my fridge that holds all the little "extra" food items that don't need to be floating all around the shelves. I don't like clutter. Now... if most of these items just happen to be cheese at the moment, that's OK. My drawer is used for more than cheese. I it also has sandwich 'stuff' in it.

See? Don't judge me.

Kombucha SCOBY - what IS it?

First and foremost, this has been an interesting experience and I have only been in possession of my "mother" for 12 whole days..

Secondly, I will say my sister thinks this is absolutely disgusting! LOL!

I was browsing the "free " section on Craigslist and someone posted "Free Kombucha Scoby". I thought to myself, what on EARTH is that...

So I googled it! What I found was intriguing and sort of turned my stomach, all at the same time..

What IS Kombucha, though... really.. So, straight from Wikipedia, here it is:

The kombucha culture is a symbiotic culture of bacteria and yeast, comprising Acetobacter (a genus of acetic acid bacteria) and one or more yeasts. In Chinese, this microbial culture is called haomo, or jiaomu in Mandarin, (Chinese: 酵母; literally meaning "yeast").

A kombucha culture may contain one or more of the yeasts Saccharomyces cerevisiae, Brettanomyces bruxellensis, Candida stellata, Schizosaccharomyces pombe, Torulaspora delbrueckii, and Zygosaccharomyces bailii. Alcohol production by the yeast(s) contributes to the production of acetic acid by the bacteria. Alcohol concentration also plays a role in triggering cellulose production by the bacterial symbionts.

Although the bacterial component of a kombucha culture comprises several species, it almost always includes Gluconacetobacter xylinus (formerly Acetobacter xylinum), which ferments the alcohols produced by the yeast(s) into acetic acid. This increases the acidity while limiting the alcoholic content of kombucha. G. xylinum is responsible for most or all of the physical structure of a kombucha mother, and has been shown to produce microbial cellulose.[1] This is likely due to artificial selection by brewers over time, selecting for firmer and more robust cultures.

The acidity and mild alcoholic element of kombucha resists contamination by most airborne molds or bacterial spores. As a result, kombucha is relatively easy to maintain as a culture outside of sterile conditions. The bacteria and yeasts in kombucha may also produce antimicrobial defense molecules.

What does all of this mean? It means Kombucha is fermented sweet tea that grows bacteria and yeast - then you drink it. (gag)

Seriously, gag. I'm on day 8 of my brew and I think it looked worse on the first few days than it does now - but STILL doesn't look appetizing... enough... to drink....

Here are my "mothers" I picked up on 9/28/12 from the nice lady who gave them away for free on Craigslist:

They were very healthy! I divided one in half and threw the other half in the jar with the other because I only wanted to kill one at a time.. Seriously..

Apparently, Kombucha orginated in East Asia... they and Russians believed Kombucha tea to have healing ailments. It appears this is quite popular among people with HIV and the elderly because of claims it can boost immunity and slow aging. Nowadays, though it appears to be more of a natural probiotic, from what I have read. Now, whether or not I can 'stomach' this probiotic (no pun intended) is questionable... we'll see!

One very important thing to note in regards to this new milestone in life: THERE ARE SIDE EFFECT. Ohhhhh LAWD, sweet baby jesus, in a manger! I AM the side effect... always... if it's going to happen, it happens to this girl!

So, www.cancer.org has an article about Kombucha! The USDA warns caution when making and drinking this tea. From the article, two women were diagnosed with high lactic acid levels when admitted to the hospital. Looks like I'm Ok though because the cancer warning on this is for the dummies who brew in ceramic, lead or painted canisters. SMH..

This is what I pulled from WebMD though:

KOMBUCHA TEA Side Effects & Safety

Kombucha tea may be UNSAFE for most adults. It can cause side effects including stomach problems, yeast infections, allergic reactions, yellow skin (jaundice), nausea, vomiting, head and neck pain, and death.

Kombucha tea, especially batches made at home where it’s hard to maintain a germ-free environment, can become contaminated with fungus (Aspergillus) and bacteria (including anthrax). In Iran, 20 people got anthrax infections from taking kombucha tea. This tea is particularly unsafe in people with weakened immune systems, such as people with HIV/AIDS, who are more likely to get infections. Also, lead poisoning has been reported from kombucha tea that was prepared in a lead-glazed ceramic pot.

Special Precautions & Warnings:
Pregnancy and breast-feeding: Kombucha tea may be unsafe during pregnancy and breast-feeding. Stay on the safe side and avoid use.

Alcoholism: Kombucha tea contains alcohol. Avoid it if you have a drinking problem.

Diarrhea: Kombucha tea contains caffeine. The caffeine in Kombucha tea, especially when taken in large amounts, can worsen diarrhea.

Irritable bowel syndrome (IBS): Kombucha tea contains caffeine. The caffeine in Kombucha tea, especially when taken in large amounts, can worsen diarrhea and might worsen symptoms of IBS.

Weak immune system: Don’t use kombucha tea if you have a weakened immune system due to HIV/AIDS or other causes. Kombucha tea can support the growth of bacteria and fungus that can cause serious infections.

I need to re-think this... my dad was all about drinking this with me to "try it out" until he saw how it looked on day three.... he then said he was just going to watch me to make sure I didn't die.... wonder if he looked this information up before I did...

Mustard & Maple Roasted Chicken

ok... so several things went wrong..

Waaaay wrong....... Turned out beautifully though!

Now, my ingredients are very similar to Rach's, however I improvise, remember? This is supposed to be simplified and easy... and simple.. and easy... so I will go ahead and apologize now..

Ingredients
4 tablespoons butter, melted (pop in the microwave after you pre-heat the oven)
2 pounds medium potatoes (about 6), skin-on and cut into wedges
4 crispy apples, quartered and cored then cut into 8 wedges per apple (I have a nifty apple corer-thingie that does this in a snap!)
3 medium yellow onions, peeled, cut into 6 wedges each with root attached (very important)
Salt and pepper
3 tablespoons fresh thyme, finely chopped (I chopped about 10-12 sprigs) - you can also use dried thyme, just the same
1 5-pound chicken, quartered OR 5-quarter legs (mine was 5.23 lbs)
Extra virgin olive oil (EVOO), for drizzling
About 1/2 cup dark amber maple syrup
About 1/3 cup grainy mustard
About 2 tablespoons cider vinegar
About 2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
About 1/3 cup chicken stock
3 cloves garlic, grated(i used three - you may use 2)

Serves 4 (or 6 - depends on how we look at this...) If you notice, most of these measurements are "about". This is straight from Rach's website... and I 'eyeball' my ingredients... never claimed to be any kind of baker! With that being said, these are NOT precise. Alter the sauce to taste! I did..


Ok, kids - this is where I went wrong... I used BONE-IN thighs. This is much cheaper (I speant $4.08 on 5.23 lbs!) However, takes much longer to cook! I was not anticipating almost 2 hours for this dinner! Which would lead to my epic FAIL for my very first assignment *sigh*
Also, be sure you wedge your potatoes all the same size! Cut into half, then quarter each section... makes cooking time more evenly.


Onto Preperation!

Pre-heat your oven to 400ºF.

In a deep roasting pan (you want sides at least 2" tall - it was a disaster for me to get this in and out of the oven. Lost lots of yummy juices. The fact I used an aluminum pan doesn't help either. Use a roasting pan, folks... a REAL-LIFE roasting pan....), dress the potatoes, apples and onions with melted butter and season with salt, pepper and fresh thyme. Roast for 20 minutes, then remove from the oven. While this is roasting, combine the syrup, mustard, vinegar, Worcestershire sauce, stock and garlic in a small bowl.

Dress the chicken with the EVOO, salt and pepper and arrange over the potatoes and onions. The take your sauce mixture and pour evenly over the chicken and potatoes and roast for 1 hour more (this is with your normal chicken). If you use bone-in,

after an hour, I flipped my chicken to roast both sides (and I didn't want my birds black on one side, pink on the other!). Flip it then pop it back in for another 30 minutes or so. You want to taste your potatoes and make sure they are soft enough. Mine tasted like I had just chopped them up, straight from the bag! Certainly didn't taste like they had been in an oven for an hour.. so, I increased the initial roasting time to 20 minutes.


This is the golden goodness you come up with:

This has wonderful sweet flavors from the apples and carmelized onions - and salty flavors from your potatoes! When you are serving this, remove the onions (unless you prefer to eat them - I do not). This is why you keep them on their roots - makes it MUCH easier to fish out of there!

Now... I have a few notes on this first dive bomb of mine: it's not "short and sweet" but it is simple and a GREAT make ahead meal. I personally have a lot of these ingredients as staples in my pantry. I always have stock on hand for any reason; garlic; onions, EVOO and Worcestershire sauce..

I went to the store and spent about $20 on chicken, a bag of yellow onions, fresh thyme (this, unfortunately isn't one herb in the garden!), grain mustard, maple syrup (you may also substitute Amber Agave here, as well), 4 apples (I love apples but don't eat them often enough to keep on hand), cider vinegar (mine in the cabinet expired) and a 5-lb bag of yellow potatoes.

If you do choose to make ahead, all you have to do is prepare in full, cook, cover and refrigerate. Pop it in the oven on the day you want to serve for about half hour - to heat all the way through. note: cooked chicken can be kept in the fridge for up to five days.

This had great flavor and I was impressed - I have not yet given this over to my sister but I will this evening so I can get the 7 & 4 year old take on this. I believe they will be pleased!

you can find Rachael Ray's original recipe <~~ there!


Let me know if you have any fun improvisions to try out on this recipe! I promise the next one will more thought out and less complicated..

God doesn't like litter bugs....

So, I am chatting with a friend today in regards to a status update I published on facebook this afternoon. The post was actually in frustration towards "litter bugs" (we'll get to that in a minute) and may have mentioned Jehovah's Witnesses..

I am not religious - I don't follow any religion, actually! Just a quick background for you: 6-8 years ago, I began researching and studying other religions, as I grew up baptist. My sisters and I were never baptized, as my mother felt it should be our own decisions once we were old enough to understand (thank GOD *giggle*). With that being said, I created my own quest for knowledge into the unknown! Or... well, what you're not taught in church :) that's for another blog post, though.

As all of you know, most cults, I mean...... churches, temples, congregations, halls (you get the picture) have very different beliefs from one another. Some are similar (like... baptists and hovies - DAMN, I mean the JW-crew!) however, these people take things to the extreme!

From my understand, the JW-crew are the only "groups" that actually do door-to-door preaching. Now, even though the bible does say to spread His word, it never said "shove said word down thyne throat".

Today was a cloudy day... it was supposed to rain all day but actually didn't start until this evening. There's no point to this piece of my blog - I just felt like giving a weather update.

I returned home this afternoon around lunch time and as I am opening my glass storm door, two booklets that were folded up tightly fell to my feet. This scared the pee out of me too, by the way. One talks about what is REALLY in your food and the other: Jehovah.

Ahhh, Jehovah. This booklet falling out of the door and scaring the mess out of me does not make me want to read it, anymore than Brittney Spears should be a judge on X-Factor. So - I picked it up, crumbled it to a tightly wound ball (I was verging anger by this point) and hurled it straight into the trash. "This," I thought to myself "is littering.. do they not get that? Probably wasting a lot of their money, too because I am SURE at least 50% of these booklets are trashed," I continued to ponder. Picked up my phone and visited facebook.

"....stop leaving your shit on my door. This is considered littering. God doesn't like litter bugs."

So I am having a sign made. I am posting it at my mailbox - hopefully to obviate the dreadful door-knock. "No JW Trespassing" GO. AWAY.

Blogging... with a purpose!

Life should be exciting.. I need excitment in my life. I have applied for a second job. I want to buy a home by mid-year next year so I need to start saving more. This will also keep me IN from spending money while OUT. Logical? I think so..

On to exciting! I was finally able to sit, relax, drink a glass of wine and watch 'Julie & Julia'. I was very intrigued (and impressed) with Julie's accomplishments. With that said, I thoroughly weighed pros and cons of me doing the very same thing with Rachael Ray (aside from Marilyn Monroe and Monica "Mons" - from Ace & TJ, Rach is my woman crush).

I love to cook. Every part of throwing new "stuff" together to see how it will turn out is captivating. Am I always good at it? (lol) No, but I do get a thrill out of it.


Now... what I have come to realize is that ALMOST all families (especially single mothers) don't have time to prepare and cook for an hour or two. Unless, of course, you are that perfectly manicured soccer mom that married "up" in life (no offense to anyone, I swear). My younger sister actually inspires me with my objective because I have two very beautiful nieces that are almost 4 and 7, and she cuts it really close just to get home for dinner-time and pop open that can of raviolis before it's time for homework! I'm sure most of America is this same way because most families I know, both mom and dad work - or single moms..

Ok, I will get to my brainiac idea momentarily, but first I must touch base on Rach so you guys understand the plan... Rach doesn't really spend a massive amount of time in the kitchen so she mastered 30-Minute Meals (to cook not bake... we don't bake..) Ingenious, informal and great fun. Rach likes to use pricy ingredients, though (and some things I still can't locate in the grocery store.. but not often!) She also likes to use large amounts of onions and peppers. I have found that I now use onions in cooking - and i don't tell anyone - because the flavor is amazing! This is my secret so no one figures me out: grate it on a Fine Cut long grater - it almost liquifies it for you so you get all the wonderful juices and flavors and leave the chucky bits behind! *squirrel*

Located on her website, you can also find "Budget Meals", as well.

http://www.rachaelray.com/food/collections/budget/index.php


I tell you guys all of that to say this: I'm simplifying. Beginning October 8, 2012 I Wwill begin blogging about fast and easy recipes the entire family will love (this includes those tiny picky eaters)! This provocation, of course comes from the movie 'Julie & Julia'. I am going to piggy back her idea and utilize Rachael Ray, you know, instead of Julia Child.. I have Rach's 30 minute meals at home and will incorporate Budget Meals into the mix to save some money for you folk. I will also improvise. Keep all the recipes simple and short. The less ingredients, the better for those working families to deal with after a long day in the office, or in a truck... or on a field site... or atop a roof... you get the picture.

Exciting times and I am whole heartedly looking forward to this. I don't have anyone at home to really cook for so my meals will be sent to my sister, brother-in-law and nieces for taste testing, feedback and the infamous gremlin approval (or not...) I will commit to one recipe a week for now (but I'm sure I will post more than this). No disappointments, I want!

Blogging sub section titles are still TBD - I need some creative juices... We will chat soon, kids!

Customer Service Crisis By Chelle ( x3) ...

I work for a company that wins awards for their Customer Service Department. In turn I do believe I have set every other company that I will ever have to deal with up for complete and utter FAILURE. It was a very warm, sunny day in Charlotte, NC.......

I have been a TWC customer for over 8 years so you could imagine my disbelief when supervisor, Vanessa tells me, "you've been paying for it, meaning you knew you had it.. " OR "there is nothing that will justify me crediting your account for this." Ok, cancel my service "No problem, ma'am, I will get that taken care of today." I was floored, one, by the fact there wasn't ever one "let me help you with that". Also her attitude with a customer and lack of willingness to help. Background: about two years ago I noticed Sports Pass for $3.95 on my account. I had no clue what it was, didn't order it so I cancelled it. They took care of it (so I thought). Unfortunate for me, I never check my bills. I have paperless billing so I never get them. I call to make my payment over the phone because I don't write checks. Shame, on me. Last Tuesday I logged in online to see about service in the area because the internet wasn't work. I pull up the bill "just because" and realize not only am I still being charged the Sports Pass, I'm being charged $12.95 since May for VOD. I didn't order VOD, I don't watch it - haven't since it was ordered "by the remote" at the end of April and couldn't even find it when I went back through the channels! I asked if they could see if it's been utilized because that's over $50 over the past few months. Additionally, just over $50 for the Sports Pass. I suggested pulling my call from when I called in a couple years ago (because I NEVER, EVER call customer service) she said that was ridiculous, she doesn't have time for that and that's when things went down hill. I was seeing RED by this point, I refuse to pay my last bill (and will dispute on credit), turning in HD box tomorrow and moving to AT&T Uverse and DirecTV.

I would never, ever recommend TWC to another individual. whew - now that my vent is out, everyone have a wonderful and safe week before Labor Day :)

Olympics, anyone?

This is my first year of watching, recording, watching and recording some more of the Olympics. 2012 was quite a year for the United States! 46 gold, 26 silver and 26 bronze! WOO HOO! I had various different things going on so I had to record, sometimes 7 hour stints, just to keep up. Swimming and Track & Field were HANDS DOWN my favorite. Watching water polo and any of the volleyballs was like torture - and I would like to know why synchronized swimming is in the Olympics. I don't get it..

Vin Diesel told me 2020 was going to be in New York... but don't tell anyone... shhhhhhhh..

Ramping up for my Cowboys on Monday night football. Who is excited about preseason football being here? This girl...

It's already February 2012?

Holy Cow - it's been a year since I've been on... I can't believe this..

So - since my last post, I have broken up with the same man three times (don't worry, it is now 'for real' over), the love of my life, Sugar Belle passed away, my parents divorced, my mother...well, nevermind... and I got a raise.. To follow suit with my facebook post for what I have learned in the past weeks (reality: few months)- ""has learned over the past couple weeks: "someday" never comes; jealously is the human race's most useless emotion; drink more water; low calorie does not mean "diet" - it's not healthy and you're not doing yourself any good; friends really do come and GO; everyone lies - you have to learn to trust anyway; you don't learn anything if you don't make mistakes; the ability to 'shake my groove thing' in 6" heels is impressive, yet painful the next day; you live by choices - if you support the right to freedom, you support the right to abortion and gay marriage; there isn't any "good" or "bad" luck - you make your own paths in life. “Everyone is broken in life, but some people are stronger in the broken places.” – Earnest Hemmingway ""

Let's break this down.. I had SUCH a great time this weekend with family and friends. and I one lucky gal to be surrounded by everyone that I have in my life!



I have a tad too much to drink and want to dance to every song? NO BIG DEAL - they let me do it! The next day? My feet are so swollen I can barely fit them in my shoe. lol We were out celebrating my birthday and my lovely sister, Stephanie that just turned 30 last week! Huge milestone :)




Caloric intake - now, I am NO expert but theory is burn more calories than you take in to lose weight. This does NOT mean substitute every meal with a shake, kids. You have to still remain healthy on the inside to look and feel healthy, otherwise. Such a misconception. You WORKOUT (yep, it takes work - blood, sweat and tears to get off all those fat cells you let accumulate over the years). People are just so lazy these days, they think they are going to drink a miracle serum that will "poof!" make it all disappear! smh...

Freedom... of CHOICE. Society drives me absolutely BONKERS. The exasperation I feel when someone tries to justify the fact that abortion is killing a human being is unmeasurable. This is MY blog so this is indisputable. I think... I THINK that everyone that wants to stop someone from abortion should be made to raise that child. That's what I THINK. Shit happens.. get over yourself.

I need more water in my diet, less carbs. I have back-fat I'm trying to get rid of and it's annoying.

Speaking of getting rid of fat, I'm doing big things! I'm training for a 10k at the end of March. Fun times, for sure.






This will be my first run so I'm extremely excited. A bit anxious because I'm still not in the best running condition, but I have over a month to go :)













Want to know what else happened last week? Duke won... again:) It was a GREAT GAME and I had the pleasure of watching it with my Shelby, Rob, Dara, Papa Joe and Jennifer.
ON MY BIRTHDAY.




We led almost the entire first half - then trailed almost the entire second half. I could be wrong, but I am pretty sure Zellers played for UNC - however, I'm down for him tipping the ball in for us. Tough move, kid...


and then... My Austin Rivers hits the three to beat UNC 85-84.



UNC fans though are almost, ALMOST as bad as Redskins fans... just take the loss and keep moving. Always have to make an excuse for something. Always have to BLAME something. Basketball is all about luck and how lucky your skills are. Yes, we probably would have lost if Zeller wouldn't have tipped it in. However, we didn't. Take it like a champ and keep moving.

That's right, Cook- pop that jersey.